There's a character limit, so here's the rest... After we stopped being friends Jeremiah tried to convince me to talk to you, and it almost worked, he almost scared me into just biting the bullet and trying to make it work again. It would have been so easy, but I didn't want to be friends with you for convenience-sake, or to make Jeremiah happy. I knew that if we were to be friends again, we would get right back into the same pattern, and as much as it was hard, I knew that the right thing for me was to sever ties with you, and by extention your friends, cuz that's what they really always were. I never fit in with those people, and to be honest with you, I never really wanted to. I would never have chosen them as my group of friends, had you and I not formed such a tight bond. So you don't have to worry about losing your friends, any more than I have to worry about losing margaret or kelly, cuz that's what they are, YOUR friends. The only mutual friend we have now is Jeremiah, and it's fine, he hangs out with your group, we can still talk every once in awhile, and I'm OK with that. You're much more attached to him than I am anyway. The last night we talked online, I never meant to start a fight with you, I'd been feeling bad about the tension between us for weeks, and I told Rian that I was really scared to talk to you and that I didn't know if I should address our issues, or if I should just see if it would blow over. He said that I obviously wasn't happy, and that if you and I were as good of friends as I thought, that you would be responsive to what I had to say. I guess he was sort of right. We weren't as good of friends as I thought, or wanted to think at the time. When I talked to you that night, I was terrified and all I wanted to do was ask you how you felt about our friendship, and tell you I was feeling really neglected. I used the ammount of time you were spending with Mary to counteract your statement that you'd been too busy to spend any time with me. And then you made the entire conversation related to her. I want you to know, despite what you might have interepreted and told other people that I never intended to make you choose between me and Mary(Yes, I know that you talked about me behind my back, I also know that you told people I forced you to choose between Mary and I, well I guess that if that's what you thought I was asking you, you made your choice)I also want you to know that I didn't discuss why we stopped being friends with anyone but Margaret, Kelly and to Jeremiah slightly(I just asked him if you'd talked to him, and if you'd told him that I'd asked you to choose between Mary and I cuz I knew that's what you thought), even though, we're no longer friends I respected our friendship more than that. But you know what, it doesn't matter, because with the exception of Jeremiah, we don't have any mutual friends(Logan and Naima are of course your residents, not your friends, so they don't count) But through all this unneccessary drama, I wish that you would have just told me that you were feeling the need to take a break from me. I was feeling the same way. I had contemplated severing ties with you a couple of other times previous to that night, and I was getting really frustrated with you and our friendship and I figured I'd try one last time to tell you how I felt before I called it quits cuz that's what Rian said I should do. I'm not saying this to hurt you, but just to illustrate how unhappy I was throughout our friendship.
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I just wanted you to know... (pt 2)
Date: 2003-04-07 04:16 am (UTC)After we stopped being friends Jeremiah tried to convince me to talk to you, and it almost worked, he almost scared me into just biting the bullet and trying to make it work again. It would have been so easy, but I didn't want to be friends with you for convenience-sake, or to make Jeremiah happy. I knew that if we were to be friends again, we would get right back into the same pattern, and as much as it was hard, I knew that the right thing for me was to sever ties with you, and by extention your friends, cuz that's what they really always were. I never fit in with those people, and to be honest with you, I never really wanted to. I would never have chosen them as my group of friends, had you and I not formed such a tight bond. So you don't have to worry about losing your friends, any more than I have to worry about losing margaret or kelly, cuz that's what they are, YOUR friends. The only mutual friend we have now is Jeremiah, and it's fine, he hangs out with your group, we can still talk every once in awhile, and I'm OK with that. You're much more attached to him than I am anyway. The last night we talked online, I never meant to start a fight with you, I'd been feeling bad about the tension between us for weeks, and I told Rian that I was really scared to talk to you and that I didn't know if I should address our issues, or if I should just see if it would blow over. He said that I obviously wasn't happy, and that if you and I were as good of friends as I thought, that you would be responsive to what I had to say. I guess he was sort of right. We weren't as good of friends as I thought, or wanted to think at the time. When I talked to you that night, I was terrified and all I wanted to do was ask you how you felt about our friendship, and tell you I was feeling really neglected. I used the ammount of time you were spending with Mary to counteract your statement that you'd been too busy to spend any time with me. And then you made the entire conversation related to her. I want you to know, despite what you might have interepreted and told other people that I never intended to make you choose between me and Mary(Yes, I know that you talked about me behind my back, I also know that you told people I forced you to choose between Mary and I, well I guess that if that's what you thought I was asking you, you made your choice)I also want you to know that I didn't discuss why we stopped being friends with anyone but Margaret, Kelly and to Jeremiah slightly(I just asked him if you'd talked to him, and if you'd told him that I'd asked you to choose between Mary and I cuz I knew that's what you thought), even though, we're no longer friends I respected our friendship more than that. But you know what, it doesn't matter, because with the exception of Jeremiah, we don't have any mutual friends(Logan and Naima are of course your residents, not your friends, so they don't count) But through all this unneccessary drama, I wish that you would have just told me that you were feeling the need to take a break from me. I was feeling the same way. I had contemplated severing ties with you a couple of other times previous to that night, and I was getting really frustrated with you and our friendship and I figured I'd try one last time to tell you how I felt before I called it quits cuz that's what Rian said I should do. I'm not saying this to hurt you, but just to illustrate how unhappy I was throughout our friendship.