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bubbles83I might as well get this out in the open. I don't know whether or not this person will actually read this entry but here it goes.
I didn't write the entry planning on you seeing it, but yes I did realize that it was a possiblilty that you would see it. I also assumed you would realize that it was at a time when I was fairly pissed off, and would realize that I was just angry and I didn't really mean most of what I wrote. I'm sorry if the things I wrote in there hurt you. That was never my intent. I just need to get stuff off my chest, and I figured you would understand that. I know that I probably should have made that entry friends only or private but I didn't and I'm sorry for that, I was upset at the time and didn't really think about doing something like that. Also my livejournal is one not many people know about, let alone check so I knew that it would be a fairly private thing and that only people who pretty much knew what was going on would read it any way and they could make thier own decisions on what I said. For the record I never told any one that you made me chose between the two of you. I said that that was how you made me feel. There is a fairly large distinction there. You might not see it, but it's there. I also did not talk a lot of shit about you. The only people I told were Mary, Kaylene, Jeremiah, and Matt, because I needed people to talk to about this and advice on how to deal with it. Whenever I talked to anyone else about it they always would say "so I heard about you and courtney..." and then ask me what my side was and so I'd tell them because that is preferable to them starting rumors about what is going on. When all is said and done I don't think either of us acted very well through any of this, and I don't think either of us are right or wrong. I just know that things have been said and done in the last few days, on both sides, that could make it very hard for us to work together next year, but I plan on trying to make it work if I have to, because it's what needs to be done.
I didn't write the entry planning on you seeing it, but yes I did realize that it was a possiblilty that you would see it. I also assumed you would realize that it was at a time when I was fairly pissed off, and would realize that I was just angry and I didn't really mean most of what I wrote. I'm sorry if the things I wrote in there hurt you. That was never my intent. I just need to get stuff off my chest, and I figured you would understand that. I know that I probably should have made that entry friends only or private but I didn't and I'm sorry for that, I was upset at the time and didn't really think about doing something like that. Also my livejournal is one not many people know about, let alone check so I knew that it would be a fairly private thing and that only people who pretty much knew what was going on would read it any way and they could make thier own decisions on what I said. For the record I never told any one that you made me chose between the two of you. I said that that was how you made me feel. There is a fairly large distinction there. You might not see it, but it's there. I also did not talk a lot of shit about you. The only people I told were Mary, Kaylene, Jeremiah, and Matt, because I needed people to talk to about this and advice on how to deal with it. Whenever I talked to anyone else about it they always would say "so I heard about you and courtney..." and then ask me what my side was and so I'd tell them because that is preferable to them starting rumors about what is going on. When all is said and done I don't think either of us acted very well through any of this, and I don't think either of us are right or wrong. I just know that things have been said and done in the last few days, on both sides, that could make it very hard for us to work together next year, but I plan on trying to make it work if I have to, because it's what needs to be done.
Thanks
Date: 2003-04-08 11:29 pm (UTC)That meant a lot that through everything we'd been through you took the stuff I said for what it was. Which was me being hurt and finally honestly getting stuff off my chest about what happened between us earlier in the year. I honestly don't hate you and I wish you know ill will whatsoever. It's really hard for me because I feel extremely misrepresented in regards to how our friendship ended, especially to your friends. I never told anyone my side of the story except for my close friends who already knew what was going on because I didn't want it to be like 'my side' and 'your side', but that's OK. I don't like feeling misunderstood, but I just didn't want to talk about it. I also feel really bad about what happened with regards to Mary and the things I wrote about her. I never intended for anyone to see it outside my group of friends which is why I blocked everyone who was friends with her who had ever viewed my subprofile before. Especially given the situation I'm in now, I understand even more that your journal is a place for you to vent your feelings. And it isn't always a place you want to be held accountable for what you say. I wrote Mary an apology letter last night, and I don't know if she showed it to you. I really don't want what's going on now to effect my relationships with you or she in the future whether professional or otherwise. I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate what you wrote and I understand where you're coming from. And I wish you a very happy birthday and all the best. Oh and also, Logan put your card in your box for me cuz I was going to, but then there was an RA convention in the office and I was way too intimidated to go in there. But some boys gave it to me for you and they wanted me to tell you that they were in RM 209, DUNN, cuz they wanted 'props' if you will...