My crazy fucked up life

[bubbles83]

So slowly my life has gone totally crazy. I had a hella good weekend. I went to Bachelor with Jeremiah and his hall.. well there were 10 of us that went 5 RAs and 5 residents and only two of the residents were from his hall, but whatev... It was a fun trip for the most part. I'm never letting Matt and Jeremiah lead again though. They didn't get us lost on the way there but once we got there they couldn't find the lodge and we had to drive around forever. It was pretty funny actually. The boys are cuties... We went to the Nike outlet and I bought myself a new pair of running shoes. The shoes I really wanted were these nice gore-tex shoes, but they looked fugly on my feet. They were originally $120 marked down to $40. That really pissed me off though. If you mark up your shoes so much that you can mark them down to that and make it seem like a good deal then you really are the devil. On the other hand it's pretty ingenious that they can do that and still get people to buy their shoes. We also went to goodwill, but I didn't really find anything all that great there. The lodges we stayed in were really nice. We got two rooms and each room had a kitchen then a living room area with a pull out couch, then a loft with two queen beds. Since there were only ten people, five and five in each room worked out nicely. There was a hot tub there and that was real fun. the guys were dorks and decided to run out of the hot tub way the fuck across the way hop in a little icy patch, roll around, then run back to the hot tub. It was funny. they were pretty cute. Then before we went to be we watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I'd never seen it before I liked it a lot.

Now to my real problems. I got in a huge fight with my friend. She doesn't like the fact that I'm spending all this time with a new friend that I made. She feels like I'm neglecting our friendship, and to be honest I am. And I feel bad about that, but at the same time this girl is bugging the crap out of me. She is contantly giving me guilt trips about things, making me feel bad when I want to do things with other people, acting like I should be priasing the lord that she's friends with because she puts up with so much shit for it. I never asked her to do any of that. I'm not gonna praise the ground she walks on like she's the queen of sheba or something. She thinks she's a lot more mature than she really is, and it bugs me. The fact that I've been hanging out with her less has a lot more to do with that than with who I hang out with now. I'm sorry that there have to be lines in our friendship because of how things are right now, but you can't wish there weren't lines then bring them back up when they are convienent for you. Thats not fair. Realistically the lines are there all the time, but you can't say in certain situations I want there to be a line and in other situations I don't. Thats not fair to us or to you because then you are always upset. well generally she's upset at something at most times anyway... She just... I don't know... I need to stop bitching about this I know. At this point though I could honestly never talk to her again and be OK with it. I can't do that though because she's super involved with everything, and I need to be able to work with her without there being tension. The thing I'm most afraid of is losing our mutual friends. I don't want them to be put in the middle of all this stupid fucking drama that should have been left in high school. I feel bad cuz I know they are in the middle and I'm afraid that they are gonna get pissed at me and I'll lose them because of it and that is the last thing I can deal with right now... I don't know... I say fuck it all... is it even worth it in the end...

Comments

I just want you to know...

[(Anonymous)]

Hmmmm... Bet you didn't think I would ever see this did you??? Too bad it's not that hard to find the link from Naima's journal to yours. Wow, If I knew how little you thought of me, I would never have stayed friends with you for as long as I did. I never thought that I was better than you and I never expected you to..how'd you put it "praise the ground I walk on like I'm the Queen of Sheba" It's interesting that you said that one of the reasons I started bugging you so much is because I "think I'm more mature than I really am" That's exactly what I told Margaret about you a trillion times. And as for having to work with me, it shouldn't be too much of a problem, it's not like you ever come to RHA, or ever contribute to complex government anyway. And as for me giving you guilt trips, I'm confused about what guilt trips you're referring to. The only thing I can think of is when I finally got up the courage to talk to you about how shitty you made me feel on a regular basis when you constantly mocked me in public. You know Christina, there were a lot of things I liked about you, you were fun, and at the beginning of our friendship you always had a lot of time for me and you made me feel special. You were kind of like a sister. But then, you became one of those sisters that began to irritate the hell out of me and make me feel bad about myself all the time. I don't know if you knew this, but I was kinda depressed in the fall and winter of this year. I don't blame you for it, it was a combination of a lot of things. But I just wanted you to know that you really started to make me feel bad about myself on a regular basis. It's not healthy to leave a meal or a social gathering feeling dejected because you were the butt of every joke. I know that you mocked me out of fun, and habit, and at the beginning it was no big deal, but it got extremely excessive towards the end of our friendship, and you know that I'm not making this up cuz other people noticed. As for the lines between us, yes I know that you are an RA and I am a resident, and there are lines between us. But you made them trenches. You always made me feel like more of a "resident" than Jeremiah ever did and he's MY RA. You made everything in your life, including friendships related in some way to your job. When we did things as friends like going to the OTR concerts together you would make comments about how you should get programming points for going to things with people who happened to be residents. Or when you would refer to us as your favorite residents, I know it was out of affection, but couldn't we be your favorite people?? Why was that so hard for you? It's funny because throughout our friendship you would tell me things like I was prissy, high-strung, and that I gave you knots in your stomach. I began to accept that as who I really was, and then a funny thing happened, I realized when I was talking to my friend Justin from back home online and I referred to myself as high-strung for some reason. He was like "What?? You're not high-strung, you're like one of the most outgoing, energetic, fun, laid-back people in our group of friends" And I realized, he's right, I really am. I am writing you this for my own benefit to vent, as much as so you truly understand, from my perspective, why our friendship ended. I don't hate you, and I hold no animosity towards you. I'm just happier, and more me, when I'm apart from you. With who I hang out with now, I can just be me, funny, laid-back, and completely myself. I used to think you understood me more than anyone in Eugene besides Jeremiah, but then I realized that you only understood the parts you wanted to.